5 Reasons Why Northerners Aren't Being Assholes About This Storm

I have an interesting Facebook newsfeed going on right now, most of it horrifying, a little of it funny. I've also enjoyed (sarcasm) several blog posts centered around how anyone north of the Mason-Dixon line is an asshole for making fun of people caught in the snowstorm because they just don't understand what it's like.

I have experienced twenty-two Alabama winters, three Kansas winters, and I'm currently experiencing a Colorado winter. So I think I can fairly write this blog post about how I'm not an asshole for rolling my eyes about certain things Alabamians are saying about this snowstorm. So here are five things I'm tired of hearing:

1. Northerners think everything about the snowstorm is so funny, so they're all assholes.
I'm not an asshole. There's a difference between smirking at this meme

and thinking it's actually funny that people have died, thousands of scared children are separated from their families, and that people can't get medical care, drugs, and food they need. That is disgusting to put those words in our mouths and to say we are that callous. Just because Joe Shmo from Maine commented on a post that he drove his Subaru through ten feet of snow doesn't mean the other millions of us think we're superior to you and that what you're going through is funny. Most of us think what everyone is going through down there is awful.

2. You can't afford the infrastructure costs of snow and ice control.
This is hard for me to believe when I'm constantly bombarded with Facebook pictures of vacations, restaurant meals, designer handbags and jewelry, new cars, Starbucks, hundreds spent on Christmas presents, iPhones, iPads, and other luxury expenditures. Really, people?
Yes, snow and ice control costs a lot of money. It costs a few hundred thousand up to millions of dollars a year, depending on how many miles of road and how many times they need to be serviced. Equipment and materials have to be purchased and stored, people have to be trained, etc. However, it doesn't snow enough down there to need plowing, just salt brine pre-treating and salting during snow (not needing plowing cuts a lot of cost). I tried to research how much it would cost per person in each metro and it came out to $1-$5 a year. You can't afford for your taxes to be raised a dollar or two?

3. You don't get bad weather often enough to need snow and ice control infrastructure.
I seem to remember being out of school due to icy conditions maaaany times growing up. I remember my dad lecturing me about the black ice on the road and not letting me drive when it was dangerous. I remember it snowing in college. I've heard about icy road conditions every year I've been gone from Alabama.

4. You are STILL defending the fact that you don't need salt trucks.
I'm sorry, what was the death toll again? How many thousands of children are stuck in the schools? Carrying these infrastructure costs is insurance that this doesn't have to happen again.

5. "The one inch of snow hit us so fast that salt trucks wouldn't have been out in time."
No, the fact that you don't have snow and ice control hit you so fast. When it snows in a city that has snowplows and salt trucks mass chaos doesn't ensue because people know they will be able to drive on the roads. Pre-treating roads with salt brine is a cost-effective measure that can be done in advance of snow.


What makes Northerners roll their eyes (or just me) is that Alabama can be prepared for this, it just refuses to do anything about it, year after year. It's better to let people die than buy some salt trucks, right?